Water Baby Gifts

Mistaken baby ducks.

Will you remember this

'It's the 'SPA KING 2000': Someone who spends as much time in the water as you do would love it...'

'Good thing you came in when you did. If you hadn't, you might've drowned.'

"Think of it as a big puddle."

Bitchbark Canoe

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

A midwife holding a baby

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)