Babies Gifts

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

GooGoo Search Engine.

'Thank God we're cute. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

'His vocabulary is tiny, but effective.'

'We've got it narrowed down to between three and twenty-three pounds.'

Push, push, push...

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

'I think you're rocking the bold look, too!'

'I'm leaking from everything!'

Maternity ward.

"So then I'm, like, 'Waaaaah! Waaaah!'"

'OK! I'll talk!'

"Uh, I'm not ready to have a family"

'You are a lot younger then I had imagined, Mr. Martini.'

Babies first steps.

"It's nothing to worry about. He just seems to be experiencing a growth spurt."

'They sort of grow on you.'

"I'm proud of you for making a gurgle."

'Proctor & Gamble, Proctor & Gamble, Kimberly-Clark...Can't anyone in this investment club think outside the diaper?'

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

'And mum's always worried whether I'm getting enough to drink.'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm the one with his head in a pelvic vice!'

"Personnel can't fund maternity cover,but they will second someone to come around and coo oooh! aah! when the baby's born..."

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Oh, boy - stereo!'

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

"You're tired? HELLO, what about me? I haven't slept since I was born!"