Babies Gifts

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

'Of course I know what he wants when he cries. He wants you.'

'Thank God we're cute. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

'His vocabulary is tiny, but effective.'

"So then I'm, like, 'Waaaaah! Waaaah!'"

Maternity ward.

'We've got it narrowed down to between three and twenty-three pounds.'

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

'I think you're rocking the bold look, too!'

'I'm leaking from everything!'

"I'm proud of you for making a gurgle."

"Uh, I'm not ready to have a family"

'You are a lot younger then I had imagined, Mr. Martini.'

'And mum's always worried whether I'm getting enough to drink.'

'Proctor & Gamble, Proctor & Gamble, Kimberly-Clark...Can't anyone in this investment club think outside the diaper?'

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

"It's nothing to worry about. He just seems to be experiencing a growth spurt."

'They sort of grow on you.'

Babies first steps.

"Personnel can't fund maternity cover,but they will second someone to come around and coo oooh! aah! when the baby's born..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm the one with his head in a pelvic vice!'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Do you have a reservation?'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

"Oh, I almost forgot, how's your new grandson?"

Dog - 'Drop it! You know you wanna drop it!'

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

"Ahh...He's got wind"

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."