Baby Needs Gifts

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'I told you it would be useful.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.