Baby Needs Pillows

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'I told you it would be useful.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'