Baby Care Pillows

"Let me guess -- first child?"

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

'Dude, don't do it. Somewhere down the road it will lead to chores.'

'Forget the wheel. Invent diapers.'

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'The good looking one is mine!'

Babies who Lunch.

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

'Hey look, the shiny thing is shining... just like yesterday... and last week... man I wish they'd put a tv in here.'

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Oooglie oooglie googlie googlie..." "Who is this person? Where's the one with the milk?"

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

Preparing for a new arrival

"We're never going to be able to give Moses a bath, are we?"

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

Oops.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I really don't like breast-feeding, but it's really good therapy for her.'

'A little help please.'

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

'I'm not too sure about that.'

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

'We mustn't frighten the new baby...'

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

'Here, take this. It came in handy when I used to change your nappy.'

Tally chart for changing a child's nappy.

"Tickets to the birth of my son or daughter? I got 'em who needs 'em?"

Now On Your Grocer's Shelf.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"So he cries and you give him a bottle. I never thought of that."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."