Newborn Essentials Pillows

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

The No No No's

"Same old same old. How about you?"

Twenty-first century baby walker