Newborn Gift Pillows

Lawyers Lullaby.

'Who killed Cock Robin?' 'Bird flu?'

Baby Bear.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'The child is very illogical'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

The No No No's

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"