Newborn Birth Pillows

'Once they're born they immediately begin to depreciate.'

Britain is full - 'You'll have to excuse your father.'

Oh her birth certificate, print her first name, middle name, last name and username.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'How many spoons do you need to feed a baby?'

'Look, dad, the hair apparent!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A mother and baby elephant

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."