Birth Of Newborn Pillows

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Baby Piano

My First Camera

Pool attached to child's bed.

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

"That's not how I sat on you."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"