Baby's Birth Pillows

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

My First Camera

The cell phone soother for life.

Baby Piano

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

A midwife holding a baby

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

"That's not how I sat on you."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"