Baby's Birth Gifts

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

The cell phone soother for life.

Baby Piano

My First Camera

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Late night teddy reading

Pool attached to child's bed.

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

"That's not how I sat on you."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'