Birth Of A New Baby Gifts

"I don't know about you but I can't wait to get back to our book club!"

"Junior learned his first word today"

'No teeth, no hair, drooling all the time -- maybe there is something to evolution.'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

My First Camera

Baby Piano

Pool attached to child's bed.

A midwife holding a baby

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

"That's not how I sat on you."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'He has your nose and my ears.'