New Baby Gifts

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

Baby Elephant drinks water from it's trunk

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

"It's a baby. Federal regulations prohibit our mentioning its race, age, or gender."

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

Little girl to baby: Is that a good book?

'Perhaps you could give him a touch of astigmatism, kids with glasses are sooo cute!'

"I recommend an epidural, at least until they're off to school."

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"I'm right here. Focused!"

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Congratulations It's a spork'

A baby is breast feeding and father asks mother:'So at what age is he going to realize that I exist?'

"Dress it up all you want – it's still and invasion of my privacy."

Little chef.

'We're quite excited. We think he's developing his first disorder.'

Snowman Baby, "We used a frozen Sperm Sample

'Ugh Not Again!'

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Nothing's coming out! Where am I going to find a plumber at this time of night?'

'Worst case of premature baldness I've ever seen.'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Please excuse him, he's intent.

Changing the baby.

'Superbaby...More powerful than an electric breast pump!'

"Do you have a babble-to-English dictionary?"

'Something tells me he's going to be a basketball player.'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'