New Baby Arrival Gifts

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

Stork and baby discover scarecrows

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"If he's a little bundle of joy, shouldn't he be laughing?"

Two breasts: No waiting

"Can we take him back and have him supersized?"

Shares in Headache tablets gone up since new baby was born.

Chub Chub!

"I think this end is loaded."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Dummies for Dummies.

'Nanny being congratulated on arrival of new baby'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"Well, finally. You certainly took your sweet time getting here."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supearvisor's uniform!'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

Two parents look at their new baby who arrived in a boxed with a destroyed instruction manual.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'