Newborn Arrival Gifts

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

'So what's new?' 'Everything.'

"I hope you kept the box it came in."

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

"So then I'm, like, 'Waaaaah! Waaaah!'"

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Newborn Chaos

'I never know which side to start on.'

Baby with projectile vomit

Mr. and Mrs. New Year have a baby

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'Hey look, the shiny thing is shining... just like yesterday... and last week... man I wish they'd put a tv in here.'

"Do as I say, not as I dodo."

GPS stork delivery

Baby gift

"Is he asleep?"

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'The child is very illogical'

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'

Swinging on a star.

'Boy, I've had so many problems on the way: Oh well, you'll be able to tell your friends it was a difficult delivery!'

'Oooh, she has your eyes Horus.'

Gas Mask.

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: "Right, that's it...you're going naked!"

'Didn't think I even wanted one. I blame it on my biological cuckoo clock.'

'I'm afraid that name (John Smith) has gone. You can call him John287@smith.com, though.'

'Oh my, it's my sister's address! I'm delivering my own nephew!'

Chilly baby.

Stork with a baby

Nursery: Winners and Losers