Newborn Arrival Pillows

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

"I hope you kept the box it came in."

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

"So then I'm, like, 'Waaaaah! Waaaah!'"

Newborn Chaos

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'I never know which side to start on.'

"Do as I say, not as I dodo."

'Hey look, the shiny thing is shining... just like yesterday... and last week... man I wish they'd put a tv in here.'

Mr. and Mrs. New Year have a baby

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

Baby with projectile vomit

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

Swinging on a star.

'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'

'The child is very illogical'

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

Baby gift

'Boy, I've had so many problems on the way: Oh well, you'll be able to tell your friends it was a difficult delivery!'

GPS stork delivery

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Birth of a worrier

"Unfair! When he makes noise it's cute. When I make noise I'm bad."

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

Gas Mask.

'Are you kidding? I was born ready.'

'I recommend you take it easy after all, you're not getting any younger.'

'Hm-m-m - it sleeps most of the time. I think it must be some kind of cat.'

Newborn Uses Smartphone To Send His Dad A Text Message.

Nursery: Winners and Losers

'He looks exactly like his father!'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??