Newborn Gifts

'Don't worry, it's a healthy sign if they make a lot of noise just after they're born.'

'Something tells me he's going to be a basketball player.'

'Well, he certainly has his father's nose!'

'My ambition is to be a disruptive pupil.'

'And here to perform the circumcision is the highly skilled Mr. Hakiro, of Hakiro's Sushi Bistro.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Formula One

You can't hear it mate,baby's asleep!

'And I said to him: 'Actually, I'm the white sheep of the family'...'

She named him Dogger Pimphead Jones. And there is no nobler freedom than the freedom of choice.

'His Dad was a couch potato.'

'Aren't they wonderful? And your wife's already named them John and Edward.'

Circumscision: Tips

'What do you mean, slam dunk??'

"Say, Buddy. . . do you pick-ups as well?"

'Coohie, coohie, coohie cooo!'

"Honey, I'm home. Anything new?"

"Those are the headlines on the day I was born? Big deal. What were the tweets?

"He's gonna be a big kid."

Where baby carrots come from.

"This is your portfolio. Fill it."

"Wow. He looks just like me."

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"It's a good boy!"

"He said his first word today. He said, 'Ahhh!'"

Maternity tattoos

Covid Babies

"Look, darling, he's your baby, and you can name him what you want, but Mohammed Ginsburg?"

'Don't just stand there. Go buy a winning lottery ticket.'

A Son of a Beach

"Personally, I don't think myrrh is appropriate for a baby shower."

Mime Baby

"How soon will he be ready to help me understand my new computer?"

Farewell, coffee man. I've decided to stop spending $120 per month on fancy coffee. Ok. If I save that money instead, I'll have nearly $26,000 to pay for my newborn's college education. I see, well I can't argue with

Revolting Meanness!