Having A Newborn Gifts

"He seems to be a bit of a crybaby."

'Relax, the most important thing is that he drinks his milk, not how.'

Oops.

"What's her working title?"

Hot trends on the school run. . .

"Or, it could be a huge advantage."

Drive-thru Day-care

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Interior design trends for parents....

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'