Having A New Child Gifts

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Santa Claus's Mail

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Interior design trends for parents....

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."