Having A New Child Pillows

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Santa Claus's Mail

baby sweetcorn...

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Interior design trends for parents....

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'