New Baby In The Family Pillows

Baby beluga, middle child beluga, firstborn beluga

'He knows how to be a grandchild but I don't know how to be a grandfather.'

'He has my Mom's eyes and my Dad's nose, and yesterday he ate MY crayons!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Pick me!"

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Santa Claus's Mail

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

The No No No's

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"