New Baby In The Family Pillows

Baby beluga, middle child beluga, firstborn beluga

'He knows how to be a grandchild but I don't know how to be a grandfather.'

'He has my Mom's eyes and my Dad's nose, and yesterday he ate MY crayons!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Pick me!"

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Santa Claus's Mail

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

The No No No's

Twenty-first century baby walker