Newborn Parents Gifts

"You two are my parents? No offense, but I'd like a second opinion."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

A young Don King

Madonna of the Pukes.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

baby sweetcorn...

'I told you it would be useful.'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Late night teddy reading

"She's been so creative lately."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

Interior design trends for parents....

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'