New Parent Gifts

"She does this when she's tired."

"Let's play hide-and-I-read-my-book."

"The Icarus story is just that- a story."

"Honey, your head's through the armhole again."

"Gucci, Gucci, Gucci."

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

'He's at that difficult age: 0 to 16.'

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

'What do you mean you're thirsty? You had a drink just last week.'

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

Baby's first words.

"So when do we go online?"

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

"I think it's time we started seeing other people"

"Oh, that poor thing."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

Do you ever serve chocolate milk?

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

What do you want, the moon on a stick?

An over ambitious pushy parent reading a book about child development while ignoring her child's emotional needs.

'Once upon a time...'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'Mom... he said dam again!'

Breastfeeding

'I don't have time to read a book a month, what about a pamphlet club?'

"It's a dependent!"

"Mom, are we there yet?"

'You know you're having a bad day when you put the dirty clothes to bed and the kids in the hamper.'

'We exchanged our disposable income for disposable diapers.'

Children's Dream Dinners: Superhero Special

'I'm taking a survey on how today's housewife spends her leisure time.'

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

'Mom's always telling me to look both ways, don't talk to strangers, and change my passwords.'