New Parenthood Gifts

"Now, now, let's try using our NPR voice."

"They grow up too fast."

Jennifer was never particularly comfortable breast feeding in public so she would often ask Cameron to create a diversion.

"How is it gendered?"

"I think we need to spend more time with the children...how many have we got?"

Crying parent holds crying baby.

"Now we'll need a sitter for New Year's Eve."

How to grow up.

'I understand how I was born; I want to know why.'

'It says the best way to stop undesirable behavior is to ignore it.'

The Fletchers leave their baby with a sitter for the first time.

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Wonder Woman!

I had this wonderful dream that I slept... but then I woke up.

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

'Gimme like whattayacallit...'

'Children grow up so fast nowdays, The baby just text-messaged me for a fresh bottle of milk'

"Please, don't hurt me—I have a wife, and I'm gradually becoming O.K. with the possibility of having children!"

"By our estimates, it's going to take two villages to raise Joey."

"Black and a girl? You are freaking kidding me!"

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"They're not just my eggs. They're your eggs, too."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

'Don't worry about a thing. My Mom doesn't believe in spanking.'

"Well, sure I'd like to instill the values of hard work and discipline, but that takes hard work and discipline."

'My, your children are well-behaved!'

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Which one generates the most synapses?"

'Harry, she just said her first words! She said, 'Why have you saddled my generation with the huge national debt?'

"I realise that it shows a lack of maturity .. But I like baby talk."

"Shouldn't Willis be in the bed and his imaginary monster under it?"

Bottle Time