Recent Parenthood Gifts

Seen any Decent Films Recently.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

"She's been so creative lately."

Interior design trends for parents....

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

A midwife holding a baby

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

The No No No's

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Rocking horse

Knight feeding his kids.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.