Recent Childbirth Gifts

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cry babies.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Botany Baby!

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Hm-m-m - it sleeps most of the time. I think it must be some kind of cat.'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Baby Screen Time

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

Baby Hairstyles.

Fitness Programme for babies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"I miss the Augean stables."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.