Upcoming Childbirth Gifts

'Do you want to know if your child will be a viral internet sensation?'

Cry babies.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

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"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Baby Hairstyles.

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Which one's yours?"

Open other end

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Which one is yours?"