Upcoming Childbirth Gifts

'Do you want to know if your child will be a viral internet sensation?'

Cry babies.

Pool attached to child's bed.

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Baby Hairstyles.

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

Maternity Ward

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"Which one's yours?"

Open other end

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Which one is yours?"