Soon-to-be Mom Gifts

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Whoa

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Mother Nature

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'