Soon-to-be Mom Gifts

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Mother Nature

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'