Upcoming Birth Gifts

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

Pool attached to child's bed.

TAP TAP TAP TAP

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"So! When's the big day?"

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

"Six down, three to go!!"

Pregnant couple: I'm so glad I'm a woman/I'm so glad I'm a man.

"It gets easier the second time."

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

What The Father Heres.

'I eventually want one to go with every outfit.'

"It must be hereditary. My mom got pregnant too!!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Baby trying to break out'

'Oh no! We're being spammed again!'

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

"So! Who's the father?"

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'My labor was a breeze! Nine minutes and out he came!'

'The tests show it's a boy.. we can't tell whether he'll vote Republican or not.'

'Explain to me again how a trip to the mall to buy shoelaces resulted in this!'