Upcoming Parenthood Gifts

"Here's the umbilical cord, and here's the controller."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

A midwife holding a baby

"She's been so creative lately."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

Knight feeding his kids.

Rocking horse

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"When did she start crawling?"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Ask me about my litter! !

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."