Prospective Parenthood Gifts

"I'm just not sure if I want to bring a child into this crazy, messed-up world."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

TAP TAP TAP TAP

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

Low-Energy Drinks

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

In the DNA Kitchen

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Young Gums

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"