Prospective Parenthood Gifts

"I'm just not sure if I want to bring a child into this crazy, messed-up world."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

TAP TAP TAP TAP

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

Baby Screen Time

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

In the DNA Kitchen

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"