Future Parents Gifts

IVF Clinic - "All I want is a womb somewhere"

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

"It's perfect for starting a family."

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"I can't imagine bringing a child into the current art world."

Stork with a baby

'Now this time remember - we refer to the babies as 'quadruplets,' not 'the litter!''

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'We were so busy debating childcare options...we didn't find the time to have a baby.'

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

Assisted Reproduction

Rise of the Drones

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

Baby, baby maker

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

In the club.

Biological Alarm Clock.

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'I'm on the way!'

'We need to discuss your ultrasound.'

"It gets easier the second time."

'First, let's see him program a DVD recorder.'

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'