Future Parents Gifts

'Yep. There it is. It's definitely a boy.'

IVF Clinic - "All I want is a womb somewhere"

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

"It's perfect for starting a family."

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"I can't imagine bringing a child into the current art world."

Stork with a baby

We decided that a puppy would be good practice before having a baby.

'Now this time remember - we refer to the babies as 'quadruplets,' not 'the litter!''

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

'We were so busy debating childcare options...we didn't find the time to have a baby.'

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

Assisted Reproduction

Rise of the Drones

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

Baby, baby maker

In the club.

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

Biological Alarm Clock.

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"It's a Facebook Friend Request."

'I'm on the way!'

'We need to discuss your ultrasound.'