Future Mother Gifts

"You are going to marry and have a baby. But not necessarily in that order."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Baby, baby maker

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"So! When's the big day?"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

In the club.

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

Congratulations! When are you due?

Biological Alarm Clock.

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'It's Mrs. O'Hara...the one whose due date was 37 days ago...she's angry.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'