Recent Marriage Gifts

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

The Princess and the Penis

"Good morning, world!"

'Don't worry - you're not the first person to leave your Marriage Certificate in the jacket.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Couples' therapy

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

His Her Cakes

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Choose, Fenster

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"Get a tomb!"

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

Sulk Shows

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."