New Marriage Gifts

'Meet Mummy's new husband. We hope to realize a number of economies through this merger and ask for your patience during the transition period.'

Recycling husband.

'The nerve! We're only three hours late!'

"You said you wanted me to be happy and this makes me happy!"

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

"If there are aliens visiting earth, I don't blame them for not making contact."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

. . . it all started when she wanted her mother in the wedding photos.

'He told me he's been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money.'

'I can't wait to toast the bride and groom!'

'Congratulations, Alice, I see that you've aced your pre-nuptial 'Husband Whispering' class!'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'Be reasonable, Daphne - It's the only thing I've broken during the whole course of our marriage!'

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

Newly married man mistakes the sound of a garden roller for the sound of his darling playing guitar.

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

Sure, I could set the alarm an hour later, but I find it much more satisfying to hit the snooze button 12 times. Trouble ahead for the newlyweds.

"I wanted to do that."

"And this is my significant mother."

"It worries me that you keepreferring to our honeymoon as our 'honeymoon period.'"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Love at First Sight

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Romance