Newlyweds Gifts

Stop hogging the sheets

"Whoa, someone's been doing some gathering."

-"Why bother to budget?" -"So we can worry BEFORE we spend our money as well as AFTER we spend our money."

'Apparently, just because we took out a mortgage, the bank now expects us to make some sort of monthly payment.'

The reception was held outdoors, next to an ATM, for the convenience of any guest who forgot to bring a gift.

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Rev. Bob, The Realist: '...You may now go from adoring to criticizing each other.'

'...and do you solemnly swear to update your facebook status to 'married'?'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

Motel has two cars parked outside, one with 'Just Married' sticker, the other with 'Just Friends'.

'Actually I don't believe in sex after marriage either'

"Hey feet off the table"

'And when she says jump, do you promise to ask how high?'

"You're really starting to bug me."

Just married.

'I said it's our wedding day you idiot!'

'I believe that's supposed to read 'Just Married'.'

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'...and I promise to love, honor, and take this man for granted until death do we part.'

Wedding pictures.

"And do you, Bob, promise to put the seat down every time, as long as you both shall live?"

'May the habituation commence.'

'Good job I haven't got to worry about my figure anymore.'

"Leave those�.Kevin'll do the washing up."

'Do you Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure John takes his cholesterol lowering medication every day?'

"Did we ask for a heart-shaped tub?"

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

Just Married for his Inheritance.

Thank you very much for the lovely wedding present...

"Do you, Ashley, take Nesbitt and his genome to be your husband?"

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

'I now pronounce you man and wife...'

The normal response is 'I Do'. Not, 'I Suppose So'.

One of the hazards of outdoor weddings.

Is that pancake ready yet?