Newlywed Couple Gifts

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

'What do you mean, you can't cook either?'

"Do you, Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure Josh takes his cholesterol lowering medication each day?"

'…and you say that the romance has gone out of your marriage?!'

'You knew I came with a set.'

'Now, will you train at the gym with me?'

"I'm sorry, Frank. I'm experiencing buyer's remorse."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

Just Married.

'What about the rest of our Honeymoon?'

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

"You were right Mum, he was just like all the rest. As soon as we got to the honeymoon suite he couldn't keep his hands off me!"

Bad luck

"Sorry padre...Fred just can't wait to go to bed!"

"Oh, Aunt Martha! It's just what we needed!"

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

Honeymoon Haven

"Trouble ahead"

'You're going to have a honeymoon you'll never forget. . .I've been practising for two years.'

'Be reasonable, Daphne - It's the only thing I've broken during the whole course of our marriage!'

'-but don't you remember saying you could do with some help round the house?'

'I've only been married a week and I'm already tired of my husband's cooking.'

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'You were right, Mum - he only wants me for one thing!'

"It's a wedding gift from my mother in law."

Just Married!

'And I promise to look up from cell phone from time to time & pay attention.'

'I'm busy tonight Roger - Give me a call next week.'

Unknown

"You don't have any silly thing about snakes, do you?"

A limousine leaving a wedding ceremony has a sign on the back saying "Gabe and Mary to be featured in the Vows Column of the Sunday Times”.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.