New Couple Gifts

"No, I don't think we need counseling. This is our first date."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Oh, John, if only we could be sure it's love and not just the spell of this place!"

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'It's so nice to see Lance and Darlene back together again - they make such a lovely pear.'

Mary & Gary on their first real life date.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

Cry babies.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Sauvignon Bonk

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"