Newly Married Couple Gifts

"Gee, I don't know -- You drive a hard bargain."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Cry babies.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Couples' therapy

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

His Her Cakes

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"...until death do you a favor."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'