Newly Wed Gifts

'Frank, promise me you'll never let the magic go out of our marriage.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

Is that pancake ready yet?

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'You may now kick the bride.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Get a tomb!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'