Newlywed Life Gifts

Just married.

"I went ahead and got married without knowing the possible side effects."

"Could I borrow a cup of flour and your biscuit recipe?"

"You don't have any silly thing about snakes, do you?"

'Oh, you nasty sluggard!'

'It's preferrable to having your clothes all over the floor.'

Wedding cake figurines has a husband playing a video game.

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Get a tomb!"

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Would you care to accessorize each other?"

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."