Recently Married Gifts

Rev. Bob, The Realist: '...You may now go from adoring to criticizing each other.'

'You seem upset. Is it because I took down our wedding photo, and replaced it with a photo of a buck I got last week.'

Groom chatting up girls at his wedding.

Customer sees sign on Bridal Shop window: Closed while I'm getting a divorce.

"You've burnt the toast? That's it, we need a new kitchen."

"Turn and run, princess! Don't walk into that church, you can do so much better than him!"

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"It's beak-proof. That makes it perfect for the hen-pecked husband."

'Honey, I'm home.'

Uff Da! Oscar and Ingrid were happily married for only a short time...

'This rebate check isn't big enough for both of us.'

'It's not that unusual, honey. I know several couples that have been married as long as forty days and forty nights.'

'Look how much younger I look in my wedding pictures. What's frightening is that I'm only married two months.'

'Here, give me that - You know you don't understand machinery.'

Sign outside wedding forbidding crying babies.

'I know a lot of married couples don't talk at the breakfast table, but on their honeymoon.'

'Apart from that,how do you like married life?'

'You can't come out with me tonight because you got married yesterday? How about tomorrow night?'

'Now don't forget, Sharon, you'll have to help me look for my contact lenses in the morning.'

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

"Two weeks after our marriage it turned out that she is 50% polyester...the bitch! I'm allergic to polyester! Man, never marry a sock puppet..."

Just Married!!!

YOU got Married in a Fever Marriage Counselors

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

"We both knew that this day would come, we are reduced to watching our wedding video."

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

"Well are you going to get me a hot drink and read me a story?"

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"Now, Harold, you know you're not supposed to hibernate angry."

"So how's married life?"

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"