Recently Had A Child Gifts

'Get away from me! I don't want ay more kids!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

The No No No's

Twenty-first century baby walker

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'