New Couples Gifts

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

Mixed Doubles.

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

Family with pets.

Is that pancake ready yet?

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

'Mongrel' 'Bitch's' - His and Hers towels for Dogs.

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."