Couples Gifts

Chez Pretentious Restaurant - All you can pronounce ?25.

Rorschach's parents

'I have this feeling we've forgotten something.'

"On the web it said four stars, but I can see at least seven."

'You don't need to remind them every time that the bubble's going to burst.'

'No Ken. Watching football and drinking beer at the same time is NOT multi-tasking!'

Mixed Doubles.

Man with self-assembly wardrobe and lots of random pieces: 'Funny how there always seems to be a few bits left over.'

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

Fight or Flight

'We still have a few minor issues to work out: I want a huge wedding and he wants to be single.'

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

'And don't you touch that mammoth in the freezer. I'm saving it for company.'

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

'Be My Valentine'

The causes of mood swings are generally hormonal..

'We have three small children, do you sell these things by the dozen?'

"Sometimes I feel the only thing keeping us together is our fear of the children."

"I told your parents I would convert."

'That one was taken on our wedding day, when he was young, handsome and in love. That other one was taken when he was older, more mature and a pain in the neck.'

'The brochure says there's a military base nearby.'

'Hi, honey?we're home!'

'We've decided to forgive you.'

'Who said romance is dead? I Just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

'Wake up honey, I can't sleep!'

'As near as I can figure something bad happened and they're both in on it.'

'It used to be a nightmare getting him to sleep and then we discovered chloroform.'

Warm Hearts Adoption Agency: Humans and Highways.

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'I'm just saying if our nanny can afford a nanny then we're paying too much.'

"You've got one of my dresses on again."

"We adopted a highway, but it's just not the same thing."

"To you, O mighty ocean, we offer up the remains of our vacation foodstuffs in gratitude for an excellent summer experience."