New Spouse Gifts

'Apparently he met her when he was on his honeymoon!'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Is that pancake ready yet?

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"Springtime in New York. Ah, to be young, in love, and probably making two hundred and seventy-five thousand a year."

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"You might ask, 'Can two people who love each other find happiness in an era of skyrocketing deficits?' I think they can."

'Are we there yet, I love surprises.'

"Would you care to accessorize each other?"

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Get a tomb!"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'