Newborn Baby Gifts

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

'Oh dear, still not talking.'

'He has all of his fingers and toes and, so far...no carbon footprint.'

Baby.

"Sorry, but 'cute' isn't a word I just throw around."

"I'll need the OTP."

'I don't know if she's gonna be much good. I don't think she's even registered.'

'Baby skunk delivery.'

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

'My ballet training comes in handy when I don't want the baby to wake up.'

"They think I don't have a clue."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'The child is very illogical'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)