Birth Of Child Gifts

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'Are you the one that wanted a ball team?'

Whoa

'Their problems are just beginning.'

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

Fox Hunting

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

The cell phone soother for life.

Baby Piano

My First Camera

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?