Birthing Gifts

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

The cell phone soother for life.

My First Camera

Baby Piano

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Children's artwork exhibition.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.