Birthing Gifts

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

My First Camera

The cell phone soother for life.

Baby Piano

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

A midwife holding a baby

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Same old same old. How about you?"

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'