Birthing Stories Gifts

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

Cry babies.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Baby Hairstyles.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

Maternity Ward

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

Open other end

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Which one is yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'Fellas, I have a bit of an emergency! My wife is in labor! Mind if we play through?'

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Clown Delivering Babies.

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

In the club.

'One can see the baby's crown!'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"Have I managed to get rid of the dummy yet? No, he's still with me."

Maternity Hospital